There are something that are lost for a reason. Ever found someone's phone number you hadn't talked to in a while, so you decided to call and it is mid way through the conversation that you remember why you conviently lost their number in the first place?
Ever lost your favorite article or clothing or piece of jewelry? Makes you feel like you lost the most precious thing in the world because it was a piece that completely defined who you are through that one simple expression? Simple. Elegant. Chic.
Ever lost the words to say because of profound saddness? Ecstatic joy? Captivating love? When the world makes total sense through one sense and it makes the others come alive. Like you can sustain life through that one emotion.
Ever lost direction or focus on the bigger picture... the simpler things in life that give you laugh lines, make you cry till you pee your pants or user your inhaler because you can't catch your breath. Deep breaths... deep breaths... deep cleasning breaths that make you feel like you are inhaling your future. Like anything is possible.
Ever lost a loved one? One that was dear to you that when they left whether by death, divorce or flight, the shock was so severe you d-o-n-t- k-n-o-w -w-h-a-t- t-o - do. When the cavity of your chest hallows in and you can't seem to think straight.
After the lost, how were you able to get back on track? Or did you take that lost into the future with you and allow it to hinder future endeavors? What's lost is past. Leave it there.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Stand
Donnie McClurkin made a song, Stand, some years ago. The message very simple yet impactful. It is a very difficult thing to stand through a storm, especially one with hurricane strength winds gusting at your body trying to rip you to shreds. One thing I have learned from my dad is resilience. Maybe I don't have the skill set he does and am not nearly as strong as he, but I can keep my own. Over the past four years of being on my own for the first time in my adult life, I have learned to stand...proudly, a little better each year. I look back at my ancestors, I marvel at the strength and determination they had to stand in the face of devastation. I look at other nations and see their strength. I even look at my Bible and read about the resilience of the Christians and their ability to stand. I call upon the strength of the Lord to help me stand as many have done before me. Lord, help me to stand!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Where They At?!
This weekend was an interesting experience for me. Hang in there, it is long but has a strong point.
Let me set the stage with telling my stats, soon to be 32 years old, single female. I am at the point in my life where I want meaningful relationships, eventually settle down, remarry and have children.
Friday night, I went to the Dallas Symphony with the assistant director of my nonprofit organization, Feed My People, INC. We had a most wonderful time as the symphony collaborated with the Dallas Black Dance Theater for a spring recital. The movement, the dance, the music...it was breath-taking. I was dressed to the nine, jewels and all, because after all, when one arrives at the theater, symphony, opera or the sorts, one is expected to dress accordingly. Which I would say I stood out a little, because there were many of us not dressed appropriately. And by that, I mean jeans and flip flops were there!
Saturday night was a contrast to what I saw on Friday. On a first time night scene appearance in over 8years, I went out because of the celebrity basketball event I attend earlier that evening. I thought there would have been more of the guys from the event attending and hoped to make some new contacts and renew others. I rolled into the scene as the only female in my crew and we were escorted to a makeshift v.i.p area that was set up for us. It wasn't bootleg, just not velvet ropes and exclusivity as most people assume v.i.p's are. These guys enjoy mingling with the crowd and don't want to be sealed off from the rest of the party. I stood my post in the same spot for 3 hours, thank goodness I can wear some stilettos! LOL, otherwise my dogs would have been barking today. At this event, again, I stood out! I was overdressed once again. In a sea of T&A flopping out all over the place, I definitely felt like the middle aged woman wearing a flannel night gown! LOL!
I am a definately people watcher, and so I took in the entire scene. As I scanned the room, I was amazed at the nostalgia I felt! Although the DJ couldn't compare, or mix for that fact, I felt like I was back in college. And I began wondering why people want to continuously re-live that scene? Actually, college was a much better place for me. I knew everyone and didn't mind dancing wildly to express myself with my friends. It was a safe environment where I could be free. But last night was a very attentive atmosphere. I saw a potential fight diffused, a woman carried to the security car passed out, and other potentially shady events going down.
These contrasting experiences helped me see a couple of things. First, on Friday night, there were no groupings of young, available, straight, african-american men that made it a boys night out! I in fact asked my assistant director if we saw a grouping of gentlemen would we automatically assume them to gay? I'd hope not immediate assumption would be made nor overgeneralizing of what is all to often seen, but that the young african-american males could be culturally diverse enough to take in the arts. Where as on Saturday night, the groupings of young, tall, straight, african-american men were in no shortage of supply . In fact, so much so, all these years I have been living in Dallas, I have not seen so many tall (6'2+) men in the metroplex! I haven't been out to the clubs, so we have obviously been missing one another! LOL! But in all seriousness, we have. And at this time in my life, a guy who is a regular club rat, is not what I am attracted to or looking for.
I hear you, one time out with the fellas ain't bad, but I beg to differ because of not knowing previous track records, "one night" could turn into a streak of weekly events!
The worst part about Saturday night was the fact that grown people, old enough to have an apartment or other living arrangement of their own, feel the need to grind and have sex with clothes on in the club! Why not just head to the crib... because at the end of the night, dry humping and groping does nothing more than make you hot and bothered unless you get some afterwards! I would much rather take a small party of people I know dancing, mingling and having a good time than dancing to the same beat in all these popular, non talented songs that are currently number one sellers! Let's face it, music isn't music anymore!
So what am I really saying? When are we going to move out of the disparity of finding very temporary happiness of one night in a rut? A path that we already know, because we have been there and done it! When are we going to move out into new avenues that enrich, and bring alive senses that satisfy much more than a one time dry hump! That stimulate the creativity that lay within! I encourage you to get out and enjoy all that life has to offer instead of staying in that same place that you have been for years! And by all means, don't be the one that's 45 at the club still trying to crump! LOL! Enjoy every bit of life! Do something different.
Let me set the stage with telling my stats, soon to be 32 years old, single female. I am at the point in my life where I want meaningful relationships, eventually settle down, remarry and have children.
Friday night, I went to the Dallas Symphony with the assistant director of my nonprofit organization, Feed My People, INC. We had a most wonderful time as the symphony collaborated with the Dallas Black Dance Theater for a spring recital. The movement, the dance, the music...it was breath-taking. I was dressed to the nine, jewels and all, because after all, when one arrives at the theater, symphony, opera or the sorts, one is expected to dress accordingly. Which I would say I stood out a little, because there were many of us not dressed appropriately. And by that, I mean jeans and flip flops were there!
Saturday night was a contrast to what I saw on Friday. On a first time night scene appearance in over 8years, I went out because of the celebrity basketball event I attend earlier that evening. I thought there would have been more of the guys from the event attending and hoped to make some new contacts and renew others. I rolled into the scene as the only female in my crew and we were escorted to a makeshift v.i.p area that was set up for us. It wasn't bootleg, just not velvet ropes and exclusivity as most people assume v.i.p's are. These guys enjoy mingling with the crowd and don't want to be sealed off from the rest of the party. I stood my post in the same spot for 3 hours, thank goodness I can wear some stilettos! LOL, otherwise my dogs would have been barking today. At this event, again, I stood out! I was overdressed once again. In a sea of T&A flopping out all over the place, I definitely felt like the middle aged woman wearing a flannel night gown! LOL!
I am a definately people watcher, and so I took in the entire scene. As I scanned the room, I was amazed at the nostalgia I felt! Although the DJ couldn't compare, or mix for that fact, I felt like I was back in college. And I began wondering why people want to continuously re-live that scene? Actually, college was a much better place for me. I knew everyone and didn't mind dancing wildly to express myself with my friends. It was a safe environment where I could be free. But last night was a very attentive atmosphere. I saw a potential fight diffused, a woman carried to the security car passed out, and other potentially shady events going down.
These contrasting experiences helped me see a couple of things. First, on Friday night, there were no groupings of young, available, straight, african-american men that made it a boys night out! I in fact asked my assistant director if we saw a grouping of gentlemen would we automatically assume them to gay? I'd hope not immediate assumption would be made nor overgeneralizing of what is all to often seen, but that the young african-american males could be culturally diverse enough to take in the arts. Where as on Saturday night, the groupings of young, tall, straight, african-american men were in no shortage of supply . In fact, so much so, all these years I have been living in Dallas, I have not seen so many tall (6'2+) men in the metroplex! I haven't been out to the clubs, so we have obviously been missing one another! LOL! But in all seriousness, we have. And at this time in my life, a guy who is a regular club rat, is not what I am attracted to or looking for.
I hear you, one time out with the fellas ain't bad, but I beg to differ because of not knowing previous track records, "one night" could turn into a streak of weekly events!
The worst part about Saturday night was the fact that grown people, old enough to have an apartment or other living arrangement of their own, feel the need to grind and have sex with clothes on in the club! Why not just head to the crib... because at the end of the night, dry humping and groping does nothing more than make you hot and bothered unless you get some afterwards! I would much rather take a small party of people I know dancing, mingling and having a good time than dancing to the same beat in all these popular, non talented songs that are currently number one sellers! Let's face it, music isn't music anymore!
So what am I really saying? When are we going to move out of the disparity of finding very temporary happiness of one night in a rut? A path that we already know, because we have been there and done it! When are we going to move out into new avenues that enrich, and bring alive senses that satisfy much more than a one time dry hump! That stimulate the creativity that lay within! I encourage you to get out and enjoy all that life has to offer instead of staying in that same place that you have been for years! And by all means, don't be the one that's 45 at the club still trying to crump! LOL! Enjoy every bit of life! Do something different.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Hold On! Hold Out!
Seems like when all the craziness begins and the stuff hits the fan, our instinct is to run! But what ever happened to fight and stand and stand some more? It is very difficult for us to find the merit in staying and fighting because there are so many choices, I guess we often rationalize, "what's the point in fighting when there is another choice around the corner!" But by taking this mentality, are you doing what is more convenient and less painful? Are we doing ourselves and those affected a service by taking the easy way out?
I have heard time and time again, things that are worth anything, you will wait forit , you will fight for it, you will not give up! I believe that is true...because what if it is supposed to be yours and you were right at the brink of getting it, you just needed to stand a little longer, push a little harder or something of the sort and you just failed! Especially something you have invested your blood, sweat and tears in! To just walk away seems crazy! It was crazy when Michael Jordan walked away from the NBA the first time, and it is crazy when you walk away from what you really love because of other people, and their opinions or because of something that seems to derail you from the course you were on! What is is that makes you happy? Have you been in pursuit of it for a while? Will you give up? How long before you give up? Don't! Get your grip back, dig in and hold out! You can do it! I know you can!
I have heard time and time again, things that are worth anything, you will wait forit , you will fight for it, you will not give up! I believe that is true...because what if it is supposed to be yours and you were right at the brink of getting it, you just needed to stand a little longer, push a little harder or something of the sort and you just failed! Especially something you have invested your blood, sweat and tears in! To just walk away seems crazy! It was crazy when Michael Jordan walked away from the NBA the first time, and it is crazy when you walk away from what you really love because of other people, and their opinions or because of something that seems to derail you from the course you were on! What is is that makes you happy? Have you been in pursuit of it for a while? Will you give up? How long before you give up? Don't! Get your grip back, dig in and hold out! You can do it! I know you can!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The Booty
Ladies, what do we really mean when we ask a guy what is he looking for? I ask this because I have found myself asking a guy, even recently, what his intentions are. And while I feel like I was asking a very valid question, what is it we are really asking?
Let's face it...men are visual creatures, they like things that look good, hence sports cars, and women used in advertising! They like a good looking woman on their arm, in their beds and by their sides. Some are even shallow enough to only look at the exterior of a woman and put up with her nonsense because of what she looks like and what she can do in the bed, car or where ever they do what they do! But seriously, when we ask a guy that question, what do you want from me, what are you looking for, is it because past hurt and pain pushes us to get that information upfront to "prevent" further pain?
It's all a lie anyway... we say we are prepared to just have sex, and then we do and get emotionally involved! And our feelings caught up and hurt to boot! Why? We are emotional beings! Don't get me wrong, guys have feelings, but they are not ruled by them like most women are. They don't wear their hearts on their sleeves and aren't caught up in fantasy land wondering when their knight in shining armor is coming to swoop them off their feet take them to a mansion and never have to work again and they can shop all day! That is what we do! We set ourselves up for failure instead of being realistic of what we deal with in a relationship. Sometimes, there are genuinely good people that just want to be our friends... even though they may be fine and you want to be with them, they still have your best interest at heart with no strings attached, just genuinely good people.
For many, we don't know how to have good healthy relationships, the scars from previous encounters have left our hearts incapable of receiving love from anyone, even family. It is all about getting back to the basics of relationships... being relational with people, engaging people so they engage you.
G-D created sex for the sanctity of marriage, it is a GOOD thing!
To heal from scars properly, you have to shut down some areas of your life that cause repeated pain... for me, sex was one of those areas. Now don't get it twisted, I love sex, but I didn't like how I used it to get what I wanted from people, to make peace with people or "satisfy" my loneliness. G-d has cut away too much scar tissue and healed me too much to go back to that.
So, if a guy wants to approach me, his true colors will shine through in time, and I know now, I don't need to ask what he wants from me... he will show me what he wants by the way he treats me.
Let's face it...men are visual creatures, they like things that look good, hence sports cars, and women used in advertising! They like a good looking woman on their arm, in their beds and by their sides. Some are even shallow enough to only look at the exterior of a woman and put up with her nonsense because of what she looks like and what she can do in the bed, car or where ever they do what they do! But seriously, when we ask a guy that question, what do you want from me, what are you looking for, is it because past hurt and pain pushes us to get that information upfront to "prevent" further pain?
It's all a lie anyway... we say we are prepared to just have sex, and then we do and get emotionally involved! And our feelings caught up and hurt to boot! Why? We are emotional beings! Don't get me wrong, guys have feelings, but they are not ruled by them like most women are. They don't wear their hearts on their sleeves and aren't caught up in fantasy land wondering when their knight in shining armor is coming to swoop them off their feet take them to a mansion and never have to work again and they can shop all day! That is what we do! We set ourselves up for failure instead of being realistic of what we deal with in a relationship. Sometimes, there are genuinely good people that just want to be our friends... even though they may be fine and you want to be with them, they still have your best interest at heart with no strings attached, just genuinely good people.
For many, we don't know how to have good healthy relationships, the scars from previous encounters have left our hearts incapable of receiving love from anyone, even family. It is all about getting back to the basics of relationships... being relational with people, engaging people so they engage you.
G-D created sex for the sanctity of marriage, it is a GOOD thing!
To heal from scars properly, you have to shut down some areas of your life that cause repeated pain... for me, sex was one of those areas. Now don't get it twisted, I love sex, but I didn't like how I used it to get what I wanted from people, to make peace with people or "satisfy" my loneliness. G-d has cut away too much scar tissue and healed me too much to go back to that.
So, if a guy wants to approach me, his true colors will shine through in time, and I know now, I don't need to ask what he wants from me... he will show me what he wants by the way he treats me.
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