intimacy

Over the years I have been completely naive to the world of relationships, to be honest, I still am. I'm over 30years old and still have no clue as to how to navigate through the world of relationships with men, friendships are easier for me know but that even took some time. I had to learn to be a better friend. It is truly a learning process and is very difficult because on top of me and knowing who I am, there are 16 different personalities to deal with from other people and the baggage they may be carrying around. EVERYONE has past hurts, disappointments, failures and other things we try to forget. Even if God has healed you from situations, certain situations can trigger almost automated responses to those situations. This recently happened with me.

For whatever reason, the accepted social behavior says that it's okay for men to have multiple partners and I would assume for women as well. I guess I grew up with too much old school in me, because I feel like it should be one person at a time and if that doesn't work out, take time to detox before jumping into another committed relationship. I don't get the concept of putting up with a man's infidelities just because you enjoy a certain lifestyle; not just infidelities, but abuse. Have you really thought about infidelity as sexual abuse? Well, it is because it puts you at risk for std's and other diseases you can't cure.

I for one, am content with knowing that if a man doesn't want to be with me, just me, then he can keep moving. And if that means ultimately I will adopt and be a single mother because no one is worthy for me to remarry, then so be it. I'm not of the state of mind anymore to just lay down with anyone, not that I was back then either, but sex can come later. Why? I guess I see it as this: If there is mutual attraction then more than likely sex will be great, even if you have to do a little teaching. After the 2min, 30 min or even an hour worth of sex, then what? Where does that leave you in terms of connecting with the other person? 99% of the relationship is other stuff, and if you don't have commonalities to rely on, then your marriage/relationship is doomed.

For most women, sex is the emotional link that propels them to falling in love with someone. If that is all the substance of the facts of love, then it isn't enough. What I mean is sometimes, we as women start over looking things we normally wouldn't prior to sex because our logical thinking is skewed and sometimes thrown out of the window to accommodate and lower our standards of expectation from the other person. We feel like we have given part of ourselves to that person and so we show loyalty.

Ultimately we all want the same thing, intimacy, truly knowing someone, clicking with someone in all areas of life, mind, body and spirit. As for me, I am hanging on to waiting to share myself with someone who deserves all that, because they want the same....it's so much more than sex.