You never know

You never know who you are destined to meet in your lifetime. I seem too be amazed at each turn of fate in my life, who God decides it is time for me to meet. At that exact moment at that exact time, it is exactly what I need to take in or to give out.

This weekend was the 1st Annual Dallas Art Slam, hosted by DMagazine at the F.I.G building downtown between the Dallas Art Museum and the Fairmont Hotel off Akard and Ross. I didn't realize what an honor it was to be a participant, I heard that over 600 artists applied, I think there were only about 150 that showed. In this mix of talented displays of work there as much of a montage of people. People from all walks of life. In my immediate area there was two photographers, a french portrait painter, an abstract artist that never uses a brush and a man who's paintings literally captivated the attention of most everyone that attended the show.

My table buddy, Charles William, was the center of attention in our area. His dramatic flair for pieces reminiscent of Monteese and Picasso, the lines and backgrounds that draw you in to take a second look. Charles is a homeless man that paints and lives at a nonprofit organization downtown Dallas, the Stewpot. He and another artist showed at the Slam. His first piece selling on opening night and second with minutes to spare at the close this evening. Over the course of the last few days, I studied all the paintings he brought, but the most interesting part was getting to know him and his story. He was a cake decorator for eight years living independently and due to the horrible advice of others, went down a road of life's challenges and experiences that now has him at the point of being ready to become independent again. The most important part of our weekend was the exchange that I received with him, he had as much words of encouragement for me as I did for him. He challenged me to step out from my comfort zone and just do it! It was refreshing and much needed.

The cutest prodigy of the show was 10 year old Simon Waranch. This kid was awesome...and had a lot to offer artistically, but the thing that captivated me was his personality. Not many 10 year olds can hold an articulate conversation with an adult, talking about his art. He taught me a lot about presentation and not taking things so seriously.

The french woman, Celine, was too cute. Her strong french accent was the icing on the top. It wasn't until her daughter, Estelle, took over her table as she went to another show Saturday afternoon, that we learned the true beauty behind the two large black and white paintings that stared at us over the course of the weekend. Ballroom scenes from the fifties France that whirled us back in time and the story that swept us off our feet about how Estelle's father swept Celine off her feet doing the waltz. A story that made you sigh with belief that true romance is still possible.

Although I didn't sell anything, I received lots of compliments on my work, mostly today. Today's crowd was much different that the past few days. Younger families coming out for a nice afternoon. I realize that my work attracts younger artists, whereas Charles' work attracts older more distinguished taste. Pricing will be adjusted as a result of this find, and the type of shows I choose to do in the future. I will definitely return next year it they will have me, but in the mean time, do more, get out more, show more.

It Doesn't Matter

No matter what people think about the way I look it doesn't matter. I am still an African-American female in a society that is in desperate need of social reform to help the condition of my fellow African-Americans and especially for the generation that is coming up after me. It doesn't matter how much money I make if I can't use it for the good of helping others or enlighten others on what God has bestowed upon me and the voice that I have been called to speak for to be heard in a society that is deaf, blind and mute to the uncanning poverty, illiteracy, lack of proper education and other social issues that are decaying our future. It doesn't matter how many speeches I make or lectures I give, because if I can't get through to the people to make a difference through example of making a difference, my time isn't being utilized to the fullest. When I can stop just talking about it, but be about it, I too can make a difference and help change.

The Best Part

This week was a hectic one for my clients, the Roy Williams Safety Net Foundation. I am a nonprofit consultant and help nonprofits, such as Roy's, maximize their impact in the community by helping to raise funds, volunteering at their facility, offering business development coaching and other such skills I have acquired over the past 10 years of my life. In case you aren't familiar with him or his foundation, Roy Williams, former safety of the Dallas Cowboys, newly signed with the Cincinnati Bengals, is a humble man with heart and passion to serve children and help single mothers, as his sister, and their families. He has been running a successsful nonprofit for over four years, and if you were wondering, NO! He isn't like most athletes I know that have a "foundation" and really are just doing it for the kudos in the community or tax ease from the IRS. His heart is really in it and he cares. How do I know, just the other day he came into the office after returning from a press whirlwind in Cincinnati just to make sure yesterday, "Mother's Day" at the foundation, was perfect for the 15 women involved in his year long program.

I have been helping to no ends for the past several weeks with the behind the scene things that needed to be done in order to make the events all that they were. Day in and day out of meetings, stuffing bags with products, etc. it finally came. The weekend kicks-off with a Parent Party for the Mothers and supporters of the foundation to meet, and people can witness first hand the hard work and dedication that Mr. Williams and his staff puts in year round. After the parent's party Wednesday night, and early tee-off for the benefit Golf Classic begins Thursday morning. One day of "rest" before a jammed packed day of fun, sun, relaxation and pampering on Saturday when the RWSNF celebrates...no honors the hard-work these single mothers put in day after day, year after year. The 15 women were whisked away to a day of pampering at the spa, lunch and shopping, while we (volunteers) helped care for their children.

I'm no mother, but, I have always had the courtesy to care for children as though they were my own; Stern and disciplined, yet oozing with love. I was afforded the opportunity to care for a handsome young man, Jayden. He is the best toddler I have seen in a while. Mannersome and disciplined, he isn't one that you have to call his name more than once for him to stop or come back; yet smiling all the time and giving out his fare share of hugs, laughs and kisses. My day was vivacious and the three and a half short hours we spent together soon came to and end upon his mother's return from her day of pampering, relaxation and rest. As she exited the vehicle, tears came to her eyes when she laid eyes on her son. At first I thought it was because he is so young and she just missed him so much. She didn't say anything, just tears and kisses. As we loaded Jayden and the gifts she received from the day into the car, and after I shared the excitement and fun time Jayden and I had, she grabbed me and hugged me thanking me for taking care of Jayden the way I did. To me, I interpreted it as, her sincere thanks for taking care of him as though she had never left.

It pulled on my heart strings a little, and especially more today as I sit and reflect what that hug signified...respect, love and utter thanks for caring for the most precious, valuable thing in this world to her...Jayden.

Although when I got home I was completely exhausted, the best part of my day out weighed the exhaustion and reminded me of why I do what I do. Her sincerity and thanks was worth more than gold and the best part of my day is what makes me continue to support the Roy Williams Safety Net Foundation through volunteering, raising funds and positive affirmation of what God laid on Roy's heart to do.

Consider helping out by donating as well. http://www.roywilliamssafetynet.org/ Help him help others!

Do It Different

I've said it before, and it is worth repeating...we can't continue to do things the way they have been done in years past! Times have changed, and just as the first days of the industrial age revolutionized America, we have to take similar steps towards doing business differently instead of as usual. Everything from running newspapers, businesses, nonprofits, raising funds, attending school, going to church. We have to change our ways of walking, talking and doing what we normally do. It is obvious that there will be great resistance toward changes, but as I know, with change comes reward or regret. I would rather reap the bounty than stand stuck in the mud, profitless.

It's your decision...think outside of the box, challenge yourself, take on new projects head on like you are warring for the last piece of meat, land, or your life. We only have one life, and how boring would it be if we did everyday in and out the exact same way?! Freshen it up, spice it up...but just do it differently.

Get Over Yourself

Because of recent conversations with friends I felt the need to share my very different outlook on life and relationships that have been shaped from my experiences. I hope to be a better woman now for the experiences I have been through so that the next person I find myself committed to can benefit from what I now have to offer.

In early relationships I was all about me and what I needed, deserved and wanted! It was all about me, me, me. The problem I see, looking back, is when it was all about me, I didn't have much success in the relationships at all. I was selfish, as most women tend to be. I wanted to be taken care of, I wanted to be pampered, I wanted this, that and the other, but never took time to think about what he wanted and needed from me. Although giving is in my nature, I was giving him what I thought he wanted instead of what he wanted! It reminds me of my ex-husband, he hated to buy me fresh cut flowers because he felt like they were a waste of money so instead he would bring home plants with flowers on them. The problem was although it satisfied his need to be frugal, it wasn't pleasing to me because I didn't get what I wanted! But I compromised because with him it was either that or nothing. My point is this, I didn't regard what he needed, and that's exactly what I got in return...ill regard for what I wanted.

It's simple...the old adage says, treat others as you want to be treated! The conversation I had with a group of warm acquaintances was certainly a shock value for the women. I believe that if more women would spend time pleasing their men, then there would be more peace in the households. Why? Because when you spend your time catering to and serving the needs of someone else, hopefully, you aren't in the equation. It's Biblical! Serve unto one another, not unto each other but as unto the Lord. So we should serve out of a pure heart with out the expectation of reciprocation. But guess what, usually serving and giving becomes contagious and reciprocal.

Men are really rather simple. During a recent conversation with my father and it being confirmed by other men I know, men are quite moldable. Mostly to avoid conflict. See, men need sex, an attractive spouse, recreation, peace and a clean domestic situation. Meaning, they don't want to hear about your boss, your girlfriend's problems or any other negativity that you willingly participate in. YES! I said willingly! We choose what we allow to effect us, what gets us riled up, frustrated or irritated! So, when our girlfriends are having problems, we choose to take sides and let it internally effect us! WHY? It's not even our problem!!! It doesn't show loyalty because you get mad when she gets mad...it shows stupidity! Especially when it is menial! I have too much other stuff to channel my energy towards that could be positive and helping me move forward in life than to worry about my friend's issues!!!! I can't help anyway, because at the end of the day, she should be grown enough to take it to God, and leave it on the alter!

I digress! So, where are you? Are you so caught up into this Ms. Independent, I can do it by myself, nagging, argumentative, talk too much, not paying enough attention the needs of your man and your relationship? Don't you realize that's what drives men away? Don't you understand that men have enough crap to deal with day in and day out?! If you let them actually be the man that is...

My last point, is that we as women talk too much! We over analyze and over think things that are so simple for men. Did you know that women speak about twice as much as men? I go into what I call my listening time with men. We can be in the same room for minutes without me feeling like I will burst because I need to talk. Sometimes, we get frustrated because the man doesn't ask us how our day is because we walk in and start talking about it before they get the opportunity to ask us! I find myself entering into a room silently and if he wants to engage me in conversation, then he does so...and it doesn't mean it's time for the flood gates to open! Show some restraint! Give short answers and let him decided if he wants to take on more. And what's this thing where we expect him to take our side no matter what!!! That's the mess that got former Pres. Bush in trouble, nothing but a bunch of yes men lead us into the economical failure we face now! Allow him to engage you when he is ready.

Sometimes, we don't have to say all that bothers us! Have you tried praying?! Especially when it comes to things that irritates us about our significant others. How would you feel if you were attacked? We don't want to be disrespected or devalued, so we shouldn't do the same. We should build up the man and pray God's will, be it we change or they change. And stop telling your friends all the problems you are having, they typically are thrown up in your face at the least opportune moments! You have to teach others how to treat you, but with honey, not vinegar. So if I tell him, I need you to engage me slow, to whisper in my ear, to smack my behind! Let's keep it real...we are adults! But say it with concern, softness not harsh words like they can't do anything right! Here is the kicker, if you express yourself, and he becomes judgmental, defensive, agitated, or insensitive that you took time to express your genuine needs, then more than likely he doesn't value you enough and you should think about re-evaluating your relationship. You can teach someone how to treat you, but you can't make them treat you the way you would like. Respect is a two way street. And if you aren't being respected, troubled waters lie ahead.

Life is about learning. Being more relational with other people. Giving back. In order to be most effective in life, you have got to get over yourself, your demands, needs and learn how to give in order to receive.